Looking Glass

  There it is, that restlessness, again. That uneasiness in my gut that makes me feel something, a situation of sorts, is going to land right in front of me. This time, it will impact me. Not a good situation either. A test, a circumstance, an uncomfortable or negative occurrence. Now, with financial problems aside, with uncertain ground ahead of me, that's not it. It is a feeling that my emotions are going to get the better of me when this situation occurs. I cannot quite place my finger on the pulse of this emotional uprising, but it is there. It is resting on my horizon like the fog rests above a view you are trying to see. A haziness clouds the view. Outlines, without detail, are there in the distance. You know what to expect when that fog lifts, you can imagine, almost, what it will look like. You strain yourself to see more, to get a clear vision. You want to brace yourself for the effect, when daylight brightens what you are seeing, but cannot. You question where you stand, ...

  As time passes, it is more of a pressure situation to move out of my lovely townhouse, with the cute little balcony, and find a less expensive place to live. Job searching is slow, searches for places to live is daunting and the bills are building faster than everything. I have looked at a couple of places, and as I have stood in a room to rent in a multi housemate place, I think to myself, "Isn't this what I should have done at twenty something, not fifty?" I looked at two rooms at one spot and it was apparent that I will be socked into one room with shared living spaces. Really? Really? Have I come to that? Yes, I have. If I see any financial ground being gained, this is the only way feasible at this time, unless I land a job that pays $60k per year...in a month. So, here again, I will pull my big girl panties up and keep the goal in mind. I still have a few landlords to meet and check out their spaces. I met one gal tonight and got an instant, positive "feel...