Looking Glass

 Do you ever get stuck in that space between motivation and accomplishment? That void where you are over thinking choices too much and using that in itself as an excuse to procrastinate more? Or allowing the indecisiveness of where to step next tumble through your brain to the point of overwhelm?  Those are the thoughts for me lately. As much as I love the basement apartment where I live...for cheap...with a great water view...with a nice landlady...I have felt the shortcomings lately...this third year of living here. I miss not having an oven to bake muffins or cookies or a baked chicken. I miss having a dishwasher, although that really isn't major. I miss not having my "stuff," the couch, my end tables and artwork, my bulk of art supplies. I really miss the lack of storage. As I weigh these items to decide about my next abode, I create a scale of pros and cons without it tipping either way, easily.  I can't decide if I've become ungrateful for...

 Today warmed up with sunshine beaming down on the countryside. It was a lovely Spring day and the weather made the driving more enjoyable, as opposed to the chilly rain that beat the earth the day before. I drove through four neighboring counties today allowing the sun to play its role as spearhead of the travels. No traffic hic-ups impeded the mileage or the clock and  I felt organized and more confident driving through Seattle than other trips to the big city. Familiarity to the route mapping me to the corporate admin building then to my son's house eased my tension, which was thanks to the navigation device on my cell phone and its spare charger in the glove box.  Now, as I sit on my patio in the deep black night, with stillness hanging on the same countryside which was previously glowing with sunshine and activity, I think about all aspects of the prior twenty four hours; the staff meeting at corporate, the hours wit...

 I have had some fleeting thoughts this morning as I sit on my patio enjoying the view and sipping those first cups of coffee. They are moments and memories that have passed in time and softly blow through my mind, as the subtle breeze toys with the atmosphere now. They are those passing thoughts that have no significance, like the breeze that is neither warming or chilling the air, just passing through with no affect one way or another, simply an addition to the surroundings, like so many times before.  I thought of the fact that a caregiver paged at me at 9:13 AM to say she may not be able to work her eight hour day today. She was having day care issues and despite her son's father supposedly sharing in the custody and care for him, she doesn't trust him and has concerns for her son's well being. She was to return a call to me at 10:30 AM and let me know if her sister in law could babysit, and I even suggested a few hour deal as oppos...

  Now that I was on the home stretch, I did feel great comfort and peace surround me as I listened to this book and the unusual occurrences in the author's life for a summer, a matter of months, where her patience was challenged more so than ever before.  The story revolves around this period in her life where her 20 year marriage was being tested, her husband was ready to leave and her best defense became no defense. Her common phrase was, "I chose to step out of sorrow." She allowed her husband space and solitude to work through his own doubts and questions of his life goals, even during the times she was not sure if he had fallen for another woman, or if his discontent stemmed from his lack of achievements. The concept resonated me as it made me see how to handle challenges in my future with more grace, self confidence and by stepping our of sorrow.   I was home now and eager to come inside and listen to the remaining few CD's of the eight disc set. I dug out my ...

 I enjoyed listening to the CD on the way to Tenino. I felt part of the pleasure was derived from the narrator's voice; it had a nice quality and she changed her voice to adopt from a male voice, to a female to a child's tone. Her use of inflection when needed often made me laugh, especially when she cussed. None of these interjections were obtrusive or harsh. They made me smile...and think... and reminisce. This was one of several audio books I've listened to of late and I've decided much of the success, or failure, of an audio book must rely on the chosen narrator, not just the words being narrated. It's HOW the narrator engages the listener and brings the story to full view in your mind. This author (or publisher) chose well here.  I can see the tiny town split on both sides of the upcoming, stretch of road. Ugh...who'd want to live here? Why'd my friend Melinda live here? The population stats range from 1447-1697...depending on which site you are privy ...

Where does it lead?  As I stated in my previous blog post about finding an audio book worth a listen, I decided to to take the disc set with me on some errands Saturday and listen during the drive. Of course, since me and technology have been dueling lately, I wasn't surprised when my CD player in the Honda kept spitting out the disc with an "Error Reading," rather than the narrator's voice sounding from the speakers. I attempted to reinsert it numerous times...spit out...one by one...I inserted all nine CD's hoping at least one of them would play... but the CD player vomited them out continuously. I even crossed my fingers with each start of the car hoping the stereo had reset itself and would satisfy my craving for the audio book. But it didn't. So, the longest part of my errand driving was surrounded with normal songs being replayed on every station I tuned in to. After my last stop at the post office and with a turn of the key...there it came...the lov...

  After I arrived at the office, calmed down after a disturbing "page" from on call, I settled into completing other tasks when  I heard my cell phone bleep.  It was tucked into my purse, sitting under my desk. Normally, I don't answer my phone or do personal pc tasks at work, but for some reason, I wanted to see what this bleep was about. Something pulled me to it. Below are the answers to the bleeps. My daughter sent me pictures of her dress shopping time. This is not the first time she has sent me pictures during her ventures for the perfect dress. This has been happening for at least 6-7 months. I love her for including me as best she can.    She asked for my opinion and I quickly texted her my answers and comments. No matter which she chooses, she'll be gorgeous. I was envious of the fact that her mother in law, to be, was able to participate with these outings. I was grateful, as well. She is marrying into a good family, and "mom to be" is maki...

http://www.422.toastmastersclubs.org I hope the link takes you to our club website. You may get an idea why it means so much to so many. PS. There's a link to our newsletters near the top of the page. Feel free to read or check us out.

 The mental typewriter is at it again. I discovered some documents saved in a PC file that I created on 12/19/2012. The document was a twelve page employment, certification & training course for Human Resource Management. I have been looking into this career choice for some time. I have FAFSA and local college material discussing the topic. (Our friend kden is familiar with this. ha!) I know some of my favorite duties were office management, customer relations and working with the caregivers; assigning them work, handling their emergencies, being a sounding board, training staff, completing performance evals, etc...but don't think for a minute it was always fun. I've had to reprimand caregivers, be part of the firing process and fire employees, handle their emergencies (yes, it is twofold because despite helping, it creates more work for me, initially.) maintain redundant paperwork and work within too many processes.  Without clamoring to brag of myself,  I am a lead...

 It is times like these that I wish I had a mental typewriter tapping out my thoughts as soon as they become thoughts...when I simply think them. Sometimes my brain rattles with thoughts and ideas so fast, I don't think a stenographer could keep up with them, if ever possible. It is one of those "moody" days where I am likely wearing my heart on my sleeve. Luckily, I am alone at the house.  I have Toastmaster's tonight, and my enthusiasm for that wears thin. I love my club and the meetings. But tonight, I'd rather be home. I'd rather take a night off from responsibility and wallow in disappointment. I did not get the receptionist job. Can you believe it? This answer comes, even after my friend went to bat for me. The other candidate wasn't hired either. Can you believe it? Derek called me yesterday afternoon with the news. He didn't have a lot of feedback as he was getting ready to run an errand. The directer did not have much to say that Derek shared...

 I had my second interview with the Economic Development Council on Thursday, for the receptionist position. I was interviewed by the deputy director and his administrative assistant. I feel the interview went well, and it was 40 minutes of normal questions and a portion was a, "getting to know me" segment. I was comfortable and the nervousness subsided rather quickly.  Derek text-ed me shortly thereafter and wondered how it went. I wrote back that I felt it went well. At 4:45 PM on Friday afternoon, after not hearing any word of the interview or job, I text-ed Derek and wrote,"Torturing your candidates through the weekend? LOL." I heard no response, so I am on pins and needles wondering what of the situation. If I can't get a job as a receptionist with an organization my friend has a partial decision in making, I am a goner. I dutifully know that he will still be my friend, regardless. But waiting to hear any word of the situation is creating anxiety. I feel d...

 March and April were scattered with fun outings and events, along with the normal job searching duties, resume rewrites and attending a class on interviewing. I remain jobless, despite some solid leads and application or interview completions. (Sigh here.) I had another job interview last week. This job lead came from a friend you are familiar with; Derek.  He is the Business Manger at a local Economic Development Council organization. He called me when the business wanted to hire a new; Front Desk Receptionist. He called me one evening with the news, and during his conversation, he said, "Claire, I told you I'd let you know if I hear of anything-so, I wanted to let you know." Then in a softer, friendlier tone he stated, "Claire, this is so beneath you. It's just a receptionist position and not as much money as you used to make, but it does have benefits." I smiled at his hidden compliment and said, "I haven't found anything better. I appreciate ...

 As I shared my lavish view with you in a brief and limited way, I thought of how this time spent in this grand, modern household evokes feelings of appreciation. It allows me to see this world from a dear friend's eyes and taste a bite from a different piece of pie. Her elaborate reality is my dream and the world is her oyster yet, she is gracious and generous with her surroundings.  She views her estate as a blessing, reinforced by the plaques and notes decorating her walls and spaces; "Beach: If you are lucky enough to live on the water, you are lucky enough!" A plaque that greets guests at the entry; "Live-Laugh-Love". A note posted to her computer screen; "If the joy is in the journey, then you are having instant success." This charming lady has earned it all; from every tree branch to every patch of grass, from the brick pathways to each cement patio, from every inch of waterfront to all the waves on the water, she's earned this breathtakin...

 Another span of time has blown away like the October leaves. I am bewildered by this when looking at the trees in the backyard and observe the color change of their coats. The remembrance of the greenery they fashioned is so clear in my mind. The warmth of the sun kissing my shoulders has been replaced with coldness slapping my face. Respite from computer work and absorbing warmth has changed to quick breaks of deflecting chilly air. Despite attempts to warm my toes with socks, they feel cold...always...as if they are still bearing sandals to this autumn air. This can't be, can it? A new season is upon us, again? Months have gone by?  Summer has tripped into autumn and left us wondering where she landed. Geographically, we had less rain than average this year, though it seemed late before summer made her appearance. I did participate in functions; parties, visits and tiny trips with people I...

Have you ever had one of those times where a project you are trying to complete gives you more challenges than it is worth? Your time could have been better spent as you did not accomplish what was expected? The results basically, suck. That is me, tonight. so I am walking away from this blasted computer and going to bed. Maybe tomorrow or the next day I will be able to post the Toastmaster's X-mas party pictures here and to the club's Facebook page easier. It is not happening tonight. Good night.

  There it is, that restlessness, again. That uneasiness in my gut that makes me feel something, a situation of sorts, is going to land right in front of me. This time, it will impact me. Not a good situation either. A test, a circumstance, an uncomfortable or negative occurrence. Now, with financial problems aside, with uncertain ground ahead of me, that's not it. It is a feeling that my emotions are going to get the better of me when this situation occurs. I cannot quite place my finger on the pulse of this emotional uprising, but it is there. It is resting on my horizon like the fog rests above a view you are trying to see. A haziness clouds the view. Outlines, without detail, are there in the distance. You know what to expect when that fog lifts, you can imagine, almost, what it will look like. You strain yourself to see more, to get a clear vision. You want to brace yourself for the effect, when daylight brightens what you are seeing, but cannot. You question where you stand, ...

In my post of Monday, April 4th, I described the drive and my gut feeling that an event would be happening to someone I know. An ominous, sad event. A life changing event. I wonder if it is the death of my ex father in law?

I did not realize it has been this long since I have posted to my blog. I have been trying to keep busy outside of the house. Since my weekend of the "Scenery Change," I have done the following...purchased a basketball in order to have a purpose outside the house in getting exercise and sunshine, and have actually shot some hoops, (smile here), went to a Seattle Mariner baseball game with my good, guy friend, took him on that drive to see the amazing view of Mt. Rainier, have gone to dinner with the guy I met at poker night and played cribbage with him a few times, have been attending Toastmaster's meetings quite regularly, judged about three district Speech & Evaluation contests, went to a local town to hear a friend speak at a Toastmaster's presentation with one of my club members, then she & I took a long drive to my ole town to view some property of interest, to her. I cleaned out my filing cabinet & reorganized some paperwork, (still a work in progres...

In my part of the state today, it poured rain for a big percentage of the day. I have noticed more caregivers and clients getting restless and frustrated with the chilly weather and sogginess of it all. The gray skies seem endless, sometimes. It does make the attitude a bit down trodden. I had to do quite a bit of driving for my job today. I went to three new clients' homes and discussed the agency services with them. I do enjoy the people, they make the job valuable and interesting. My drive took me to a locale where I had been driving in the snow a month ago, the island 18 miles from my office. (I even posted about it on February 24th).  Last time, I had been one of a few vehicles driving on the snowy roads there. That day, it had been like trespassing in a pristine land, with the snow falling, the whiteness covering the roads, trees and underbrush. The crispness of snowfall enhanced the natural beauty of that island. Today, it was the opposite. The sky was gray and like an il...

I have thought long and hard while driving to work each morning and evening. I have found this time to be dangerous. Not due to traffic jams, accidents or road conditions. But, that is when I think the most... in silence, or with a bit of background music playing from the radio. That is when I recognize my thoughts flying through my mind, equal to the speed of the vehicle. That is when I feel time pulling at my gut. That is when I notice facts, figures, faces, failures, accomplishments and such. That is when I notice my mental calendar developing with items to do or things I forgot, places to be and people to see. My calendar of future endeavors, and past circumstances. Sometimes it seems so full, I sigh. Sometimes a smile crosses my face when looking ahead or thinking of a happy moment. Sometimes a ping of pain furrows my brow. Not all of my thoughts are fluid. Some are quite chipped, and only fragments of past times, or pieces of ideas that have not fused together, seem to poke at ...