Looking Glass

  The month of February swept past, as though I was skating on a frozen lake, slippery with new ice. My surroundings changed, as if I had awoke one morning, and overnight, fall harshly turned to winter. It is the feeling of looking out your window one morning, and there is ice, snow, gray skies and stillness that befell the landscape, which hadn't been there the previous night. You are not surprised, as you knew autumn would turn to winter. Yet, there is that moment of catching your breath when you first see the drastic change in this view. The whiteness of the snow on the yard, in the trees, on the roofs and fences. How odd, really, loosing my mother, but not being totally surprised by her passing. I did catch my breath on several occasions during my journey home, to be with her, in the early morning of her passing.   She just didn't...take another breath.   I have an unusual acceptance of it, actually. It was...

 February blew through my life like a wind blows through a demesne, leaving some debris, some clean up, some changes. These winds also leave a landscape in need of remembrance, review and revitalization. This is the feeling that sits internally, while I think of my mother's passing, think of my 5 days in Hawaii after her passing, and coming back to work after 2.5 weeks were swept away to my past. I only worked for 9 days this month, and I do not recall ever working that little.  The passing of my mother has left debris of her estate in need of order, of which I am Executor, and of course, the change of not having a mother at all, and the fact that my children have lost their last grandparent, is a change in our life, that must be acknowledged.  I do not feel the full impact of this yet. I have learned from personal observation and professional wisdom, that the details of such a passing, occupies one's mind and physical abilities for a month or two. I ...

Catherine (my mom) passed away February 7th, 2012, at 6:55am. As quoted in her obituary, she left 8 children, 21 grand children, 35.75 great grandchildren, (one is due this spring), and two great great grandchildren. Many happenings occured this month. Many posts to come. I appreciate my blogger family expressing concern.

 The morning air is waking the sleep from the night. The snow is resting on the grass. The sun is just peeking out from the blanket of darkness. The morning sounds are just whispering across the land. A distant, car engine is heard, a rooster crowing. A light breeze is rustling the twigs on the trees. The train whistle breaks though the quiet, like a teapot on a stove. Sharp, surprising, as it is a forgotten sound, until then.  I step outside to sip my coffee and have a cigarette. My white, fluffy robe is wrapped about me, over my pajamas, as I too, am just waking up with this day. I am exhaling the sleep from my soul, and inhaling the crispness of this early, morning time.  I spent the night with a friend near my office on Friday, so on Saturday, I could go to my mom's house again to clean, one last time. It saved me and my Honda another 60 mile drive, by doing so. Jean and I enjoyed our conversations and exchange of opinions on life and humani...

  A friend posted a quote recently, that captivated my mind. "Don't look back, you're not going that way ". I shall add this as one of my favorite quotes. I even wrote it on my dry erase board in my office, where I write famous quotes to fill the large white board. I enjoy hearing caregivers, co workers and people, make a comment on these thought, provoking statements upon entering my office. I love evoking smiles or hearing their insights in relation to them. I try to erase and rewrite a new one every two weeks or so.   Isn't it hard not to look back though? Don't we remember mistakes from the past which gain wisdom to not err again? Have you ever said, "I won't do that again", or, "I'll never make that mistake again." So, in some ways, this quote is misleading in that aspect. It is natural to look back, that is where our memories lie. Good and bad. Important or mundane. Those memories are what has shaped us, right? I think the q...

 The four day Thanksgiving weekend has been lovely. I fear it will be difficult to return to work on Monday. I have been busy helping my mother pack and clean throughout these days. Getting down to bare bones now. My son from Seattle joined us on Thanksgiving at my sister's home at Pacific Beach, on the coast of Washington. She does not live on the water, but we had a drive along the beach towards her home. I had my mom and brother in the car with me. Traveling was fine and weather was not too bad. Hit some rainy and windy spots, but not too threatening. Six of us for the meal. This was smaller than normal for us. My youngest son, decided to participate in the Turkey Bowl, which is an annual football game played among him and his friends. Then he went to his girlfriend's family gathering. It was a bit odd not having him with us, but at 24, he will make his own decisions. He is to go and see his grandma tomorrow before she leaves the state, which will be Wednesday am. My eldest ...

  I am curious to see what grumpy will say about New Year's resolutions. Maybe he has posted something already and I have missed it, due to lack of attention to my writing and blog. Prior to my trip to Texas for Christmas, I worked late, often, and of course, on my trip, was busy and did not even check personal emails or social networking sites with regularity. It was nice. Pressure released. Pleasure ensued.   My time off from work sped by too fast, as always, and at the office today, payroll was the needed task at hand. Pressure reinstated. Pleasure a memory. Though I will admit, I can tell the co workers missed me and I instantly became the supervisor to talk to, to handle situations and problems. I was needed. It is a good feeling.  I am curious about resolutions and opinions of such. I used to behold to them, for a month or two. Then, beat myself up with failure when I started smoking again, or failing to develop an exercise routine. Is there a point to these false...