Looking Glass

Discovery of an unpublished "Draft" from 5/31/2012:  This last six weeks has sped past. I turned in my resignation on April 17th, ending my employment on May 30th. Six weeks notice with plenty of time for the agency to replace me and hopefully, have time to train the replacement. No such luck. Out of 5 applicants, they hired our former caregiver/supervisor/trainer. She will do well and when she gets her feet wet with the office waters, again, she will do fine. Her name is Jean, and I adore her. I trained her in 2006 as a supervisor in my office. In 2009, she laddered to an agency trainer for our caregivers.  On my last day, yesterday, I was turning the reins over to the floating supervisor, who I also have helped train.She is the fourth supervisor I have had under my wing. Yes, that will go on my resume. My decision finally came around the 13th of April. Again, as usual, I was scrounging the remaining money from my checking account to fill my tank for the last two days befo...

  The month of February swept past, as though I was skating on a frozen lake, slippery with new ice. My surroundings changed, as if I had awoke one morning, and overnight, fall harshly turned to winter. It is the feeling of looking out your window one morning, and there is ice, snow, gray skies and stillness that befell the landscape, which hadn't been there the previous night. You are not surprised, as you knew autumn would turn to winter. Yet, there is that moment of catching your breath when you first see the drastic change in this view. The whiteness of the snow on the yard, in the trees, on the roofs and fences. How odd, really, loosing my mother, but not being totally surprised by her passing. I did catch my breath on several occasions during my journey home, to be with her, in the early morning of her passing.   She just didn't...take another breath.   I have an unusual acceptance of it, actually. It was...

 February blew through my life like a wind blows through a demesne, leaving some debris, some clean up, some changes. These winds also leave a landscape in need of remembrance, review and revitalization. This is the feeling that sits internally, while I think of my mother's passing, think of my 5 days in Hawaii after her passing, and coming back to work after 2.5 weeks were swept away to my past. I only worked for 9 days this month, and I do not recall ever working that little.  The passing of my mother has left debris of her estate in need of order, of which I am Executor, and of course, the change of not having a mother at all, and the fact that my children have lost their last grandparent, is a change in our life, that must be acknowledged.  I do not feel the full impact of this yet. I have learned from personal observation and professional wisdom, that the details of such a passing, occupies one's mind and physical abilities for a month or two. I ...

Catherine (my mom) passed away February 7th, 2012, at 6:55am. As quoted in her obituary, she left 8 children, 21 grand children, 35.75 great grandchildren, (one is due this spring), and two great great grandchildren. Many happenings occured this month. Many posts to come. I appreciate my blogger family expressing concern.

 The morning air is waking the sleep from the night. The snow is resting on the grass. The sun is just peeking out from the blanket of darkness. The morning sounds are just whispering across the land. A distant, car engine is heard, a rooster crowing. A light breeze is rustling the twigs on the trees. The train whistle breaks though the quiet, like a teapot on a stove. Sharp, surprising, as it is a forgotten sound, until then.  I step outside to sip my coffee and have a cigarette. My white, fluffy robe is wrapped about me, over my pajamas, as I too, am just waking up with this day. I am exhaling the sleep from my soul, and inhaling the crispness of this early, morning time.  I spent the night with a friend near my office on Friday, so on Saturday, I could go to my mom's house again to clean, one last time. It saved me and my Honda another 60 mile drive, by doing so. Jean and I enjoyed our conversations and exchange of opinions on life and humani...

  A friend posted a quote recently, that captivated my mind. "Don't look back, you're not going that way ". I shall add this as one of my favorite quotes. I even wrote it on my dry erase board in my office, where I write famous quotes to fill the large white board. I enjoy hearing caregivers, co workers and people, make a comment on these thought, provoking statements upon entering my office. I love evoking smiles or hearing their insights in relation to them. I try to erase and rewrite a new one every two weeks or so.   Isn't it hard not to look back though? Don't we remember mistakes from the past which gain wisdom to not err again? Have you ever said, "I won't do that again", or, "I'll never make that mistake again." So, in some ways, this quote is misleading in that aspect. It is natural to look back, that is where our memories lie. Good and bad. Important or mundane. Those memories are what has shaped us, right? I think the q...