Looking Glass

I have been deliberating recently about the content and delivery of my next speech to be presented at the Toastmasters meeting in a couple of weeks. The point of the speech is to inform or inspire enough that your audience will take action. I have been debating about trying to inspire my audience to write either a journal, a blog, or just keeping a notebook of their inner thoughts and feelings, as a tool for personal therapy or relaxation. Remember, my counselor even said this was great therapy. I am interested in this as I have been writing my blog this year, such a pivotal year, and have felt release of many emotions in doing so. I do not want to share with the club however, that I actually have a blog. I will refer to my postings, simply as entries. I have decided to pull some excerpts from some of the postings, (entries) as a way to tell my story this year. I will try to have some chronological order and end my speech in stating, "writing has been a release and personal thera...

I am thoroughly enjoying the Toastmasters club I have joined. They are positive people and a warm atmosphere surrounds them. They recently voted me to be Vice President of Public Relations. I was a bit stammered in reading some of the roles expected, but I know I have accomplished leaders to question when needed. I am looking forward to having some tasks to help inform the club of events & information. They want to maintain their "distinguished" status. There is a criteria to meet to maintain that, so I am trying to learn those steps. Last Saturday I attended a district, breakfast conference and met many, many area Toastmasters from surrounding clubs. What fun! Then Monday night, I attended a district speech competition, of which two of our members competed. One moved on, as he took second place in Table Topics, an off the cuff question and answer segment. Our other member placed third in the Humorous Speech contest, so she did not "place" to move to the next co...

At the end of my last post, I noted I may post a "Second Look", referring to the x and the new woman on his arm and the way it appears to have come about in a disrespectful amount of time since our separation. I have decided against that. A few of my friends have stated that the karmas of the universe will get him. I recently had to meet new clients, in my little town, of which I moved from in April. After my work day was done, I met with a couple of friends for a visit and was secretly happy to hear, many people in that little community, felt the x had dropped many a ball as CEO of the little chamber of commerce. They felt, also, that he became too self focused and arrogant. They reminded me, "everybody respects you and loves you." (smile here). So, I have decided, rather than to continue to bore my blogger friends with further postings of my divorce and "his" so called new career, even though he's still camped out in the southern part of the state, ...

As I sat on my balcony this evening, feeling the cool air slowly seep under my fingernails and chill the hands, I had a sigh escape my stomach, much like the wind escaping the trees. I was feeling my energy withering like the golden, colored leaves that were dangling from the twisted, pointy limbs of the old trees. I had a settling within. A realization that change has occurred with the new season. This acceptance is as real as the cooled air around me. It is as real as knowing winter will be advancing in it's sneaky, quiet way. I can only change clothing to warm me. Glance Back: My friend that is moving out of state decided she wanted to go to a local festival last Saturday, as she was hitting the road on Monday. We planned to go to the festival and then meet two other girlfriends for a dinner gathering at my dear friend's house. My traveling friend and I were having a perfectly nice time walking the booths, participating in a few wine tasting samples and then, ended our f...

As I sit, once again, pondering life and thoughts, on my cute, little balcony overlooking some hefty trees and grass, I think of my friends' lives as well as my own. My one dear friend has accepted a job on the east side of the United States, another is facing health challenges, (far worse than my high blood pressure...sigh here), and another, dear friend is recently unemployed. In keeping with my blogger friend, kden, "WTH" is going on here? "At least I have a job, at least I have a job, at least I have a job." "At least I have my health, at least I have my health, at least I have my health." Is this what I want to say to myself? Day in, day out? Is this what I want my friends to settle for? "No, No, No." If I were to stay true to myself in an attempt to maintain some of my characteristics, I would help these friends as much as possible. I am trying and offering. I will handle the upcoming circumstances in my life with fore thought and bal...

Today has been a day of quiet, of rest. Naturally, as always, I have multiple, fleeting thoughts slide through my mind. Questions with no answers, fast forward thoughts. A few past reflections, but not many. A mental list of "to do's". I feel a connection to the seasonal change. The weather has been sunny, dark and rainy, chilly then warm, all within a two day increment. One night it was very thick, black. The rain down poured so much, it sounded like a water hose outside was on full bore and aimed at my window. My inner moods have changed as often. My lease ends on Halloween. I cannot, or, refuse to pay a $200 rent increase for the same townhouse, remembering I got a sign in bonus. First month's free rent was credited into my monthly lease, making rent $750. I have been pondering and soliciting advice from friends on this situation. I could downsize to a smaller apartment at the same complex, rent a room from someone for a couple of months. Change location from this...

I have noticed of late that the x is starting to post about his travels. I have to quit looking at his sites as it still brings a heat in the pit of my stomach. I need to be looking towards new goals for myself and quit wondering if he ever feels bad about our dissolved marriage. It no longer matters. I will never know if he accepts blame for his wrongdoings or shortcomings in the marriage as I have tried to accept blame for mine. I wouldn't be surprised if he has failed to do that, being the self absorbed person he is. But, life is life and this is where my life is right now. I cannot spend time wondering about him. I do wish him well, maybe with a flat tire now and again or a broken water heater in his RV somewhere when it's cold. That's not evil is it? I do not want harm to come to him, just challenges that make him second guess himself on occasion. Maybe a reflection that says his wife was a loyal, hard working person, and despite her angry times, was actually a loving ...