Pass By
Today has been a day of quiet, of rest. Naturally, as always, I have multiple, fleeting thoughts slide through my mind. Questions with no answers, fast forward thoughts. A few past reflections, but not many. A mental list of "to do's". I feel a connection to the seasonal change. The weather has been sunny, dark and rainy, chilly then warm, all within a two day increment. One night it was very thick, black. The rain down poured so much, it sounded like a water hose outside was on full bore and aimed at my window. My inner moods have changed as often.
My lease ends on Halloween. I cannot, or, refuse to pay a $200 rent increase for the same townhouse, remembering I got a sign in bonus. First month's free rent was credited into my monthly lease, making rent $750. I have been pondering and soliciting advice from friends on this situation. I could downsize to a smaller apartment at the same complex, rent a room from someone for a couple of months. Change location from this complex. In January, I may be house sitting for someone for 4 months. Ha, (smile here), remember the X did that after our separation? The rent savings could help build a down payment account for a home purchase next spring. In working my mortgage loan project, I learned I only qualify for a cracker box home. It would be wise to hold off for a season before purchasing a house.
My dear friend reworked my resume and it is posted for future employers to review. She did a much nicer job than I could. Debt to income status needs to change. I am frustrated working the same job for rare salary boosts. I am tired of monitering the bank book so much it creates anxiety.
My blood pressure is up and for the first time, ever, I have to take a daily medication. My 49th birthday is coming soon. I looked to the sky when I thought of this and asked, "Can I just by pass this birthday and turn 49 next year?" My year just lived, at this moment, is not remembered with just things to celebrate. Some memories are mourned. I should remember to be grateful more often, of having lived another year, of having laughter, sadness, new friends, old memories, employment and health. I should relish the memories of my time well spent with my dear friends in this temporary home. I shall reflect on this six month period of transition with fondness as the first year, single, not mortgage bound, no ties in a domestic relationship or no mothering to do on a daily basis. As enlightened as I try to impose upon myself, with this free space, these lifelong characteristics of mine are sitting in an inactive part of me. They have always been the busiest part of me. The hub of myself. They are pieces I miss the most.
But, time will carry me forward with no consultation. I will work through challenges with the same style I always have, yet, with wiser emotions. I shall keep reminding myself that this is an opportunity for me to make choices...based on me. No one else. (sigh here).
My lease ends on Halloween. I cannot, or, refuse to pay a $200 rent increase for the same townhouse, remembering I got a sign in bonus. First month's free rent was credited into my monthly lease, making rent $750. I have been pondering and soliciting advice from friends on this situation. I could downsize to a smaller apartment at the same complex, rent a room from someone for a couple of months. Change location from this complex. In January, I may be house sitting for someone for 4 months. Ha, (smile here), remember the X did that after our separation? The rent savings could help build a down payment account for a home purchase next spring. In working my mortgage loan project, I learned I only qualify for a cracker box home. It would be wise to hold off for a season before purchasing a house.
My dear friend reworked my resume and it is posted for future employers to review. She did a much nicer job than I could. Debt to income status needs to change. I am frustrated working the same job for rare salary boosts. I am tired of monitering the bank book so much it creates anxiety.
My blood pressure is up and for the first time, ever, I have to take a daily medication. My 49th birthday is coming soon. I looked to the sky when I thought of this and asked, "Can I just by pass this birthday and turn 49 next year?" My year just lived, at this moment, is not remembered with just things to celebrate. Some memories are mourned. I should remember to be grateful more often, of having lived another year, of having laughter, sadness, new friends, old memories, employment and health. I should relish the memories of my time well spent with my dear friends in this temporary home. I shall reflect on this six month period of transition with fondness as the first year, single, not mortgage bound, no ties in a domestic relationship or no mothering to do on a daily basis. As enlightened as I try to impose upon myself, with this free space, these lifelong characteristics of mine are sitting in an inactive part of me. They have always been the busiest part of me. The hub of myself. They are pieces I miss the most.
But, time will carry me forward with no consultation. I will work through challenges with the same style I always have, yet, with wiser emotions. I shall keep reminding myself that this is an opportunity for me to make choices...based on me. No one else. (sigh here).
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