Looking Glass

  There it is, that restlessness, again. That uneasiness in my gut that makes me feel something, a situation of sorts, is going to land right in front of me. This time, it will impact me. Not a good situation either. A test, a circumstance, an uncomfortable or negative occurrence. Now, with financial problems aside, with uncertain ground ahead of me, that's not it. It is a feeling that my emotions are going to get the better of me when this situation occurs. I cannot quite place my finger on the pulse of this emotional uprising, but it is there. It is resting on my horizon like the fog rests above a view you are trying to see. A haziness clouds the view. Outlines, without detail, are there in the distance. You know what to expect when that fog lifts, you can imagine, almost, what it will look like. You strain yourself to see more, to get a clear vision. You want to brace yourself for the effect, when daylight brightens what you are seeing, but cannot. You question where you stand, ...

  As time passes, it is more of a pressure situation to move out of my lovely townhouse, with the cute little balcony, and find a less expensive place to live. Job searching is slow, searches for places to live is daunting and the bills are building faster than everything. I have looked at a couple of places, and as I have stood in a room to rent in a multi housemate place, I think to myself, "Isn't this what I should have done at twenty something, not fifty?" I looked at two rooms at one spot and it was apparent that I will be socked into one room with shared living spaces. Really? Really? Have I come to that? Yes, I have. If I see any financial ground being gained, this is the only way feasible at this time, unless I land a job that pays $60k per year...in a month. So, here again, I will pull my big girl panties up and keep the goal in mind. I still have a few landlords to meet and check out their spaces. I met one gal tonight and got an instant, positive "feel...

  The following Tuesday after mine and Derek's discussions over the weekend, I was debating about attending my Toastmaster meeting. I was tired from work, and my normal enthusiasm was not apparent. Derek, (the President of the club this year), had emailed the officers that we would hold an Officers Meeting after the regular, club meeting. Really? Really? So, I pulled my big girl panties up and attended. The regular meeting ensued as normal, but the officer's meeting was, a bit more  lively.  Derek handed out the copies of the budget and agenda, and convened the meeting like a pro. Our area governor happened to be there as an observer. Right off the bat, I could tell this was not going to be short and sweet as promised by the pres, as he was rambling on, co officers were discussing non important items. I got unsettled and grouchy, quickly. Hey, I was tired! During the meeting, it became questionable if Derek was under the influence of alcohol. (I thought he was overcompen...

A Strong Man Derek, Derek, with a heart of gold, You chose a woman who was more than bold. You chose a woman of strength, you knew, You chose a woman, who you found true. Derek, Derek, with spring in your walk, You chose a woman, of whom you could talk. You chose this woman to have nearby, You chose her to fill, an unknown why. Derek, Derek, with kind regard, You eased some moments, when they were hard. You took her sadness, she held for a year, You took her sadness and turned it to cheer. Derek, Derek, with arms so strong, You held her tight, when things were wrong. Because of you, she has some space, Because of you and your warm embrace. Derek, Derek,with a spirit of light, This woman you chose, confused what's right. This woman's path was not concrete, This woman's timing, missed a beat. Derek, Derek,with eyes of brown, Your shining smile is upside down. Your heart is heavy, because you dared. Your heart is heavy, because you cared. Derek, De...

  Labor Day Weekend has come shortly after my vacation, which was nice. The week back to work was busy, as usual, though my co workers did a great job managing the office. I guess they only had a couple of mishaps with caregivers and scheduling, which, when you are staffing 80+ shifts of care to clients in a month, it happens. Even to the best of us.   It is surprising to think, when on vacation, I didn't stress about money, the job, my living situation or anything, but when I went back to work, all the old stresses resumed. I guess that is reality. I spent a few hours yesterday morning applying for jobs on line. I applied for four, to be exact. I need to do that at least once a week or more. Then, my odds increase of at least getting an interview, right? Right. At the very least, I will, hopefully, gain some interview experience. Now, the tricky part will be taking time away from the office for interviews. I am not too concerned of this, as I have shared with my director in ...

   I am now on my seventh day of vacation. I am brown and freckly from the sun. I am relaxed more than I can remember. Guilt is almost a secondary feeling, as I am not accustomed to this way of relaxation nor have had many a time to be this exposed to the sun and laziness. I have had thoughts of , "What should I be doing?" "I haven't started one single project I brought with me to accomplish." But the guilt subsides quickly. I am on vacation. I am revitalizing myself to return to work. Typing of work, I have not received one email, text or phone call from my coworkers at the office. Good for them. Good for me. I am dispensable. They are worthy of tasks I have trained them to manage. The happenings in the office are not my concern. They are my Director's concern. I  have certainly deserved this space away from it all. Thank goodness my friends invited me to be their caretaker of the pets, home and plants.   Derek came a day early, per my invitation, on Tuesd...

  I am on my fourth day of no work. I am on my fourth day of  no concern to a clock or calendar.  I am on my fourth day of doing absolutely nothing. I am on my fourth day of little interruption. I am on my fourth day of being a pet care taker and house sitter. I am on my fourth day of reading a book I started four days ago. I am on my fourth day of having lots of thoughts filter through my brain. I am on my fourth day of nothingness. I am on my fourth day of vacation. I am, indeed, on my fourth day of serenity.   The original reason for this vacation, was to house sit and pet sit for my dear friends in that small ole' town from hence I moved. They are on an Alaskan Cruise, and due to the nice house, plants and pets needing care, they asked me to fulfill this dubious honor. My friends would not consider "just" anybody. Flattery will get you somewhere. (smile here.) So here I am.   My friend, KP, drove the hour and half yesterday from Olympia, to spend the day w...