Peek in the Rear View Mirror
Tonight I attended my final board meeting as official secretary, of the little community center, in the little town I just moved out of. I handed over the binders to the incoming secretary, gave her a few tips and welcomed her to call me if she had questions.
Two board members awaited for me outside. Hugs, well wishes and a bit of moisture accrued on my eyes. Not a tear mind you. (smile here) My friend tapped my nose ever so softly as I said, "this is just kind of weird, after being here so long." She commented, "you are just starting a new chapter." Is that what this is? I suppose it is. But what if I wasn't quite ready to write a new chapter? What if this is not what the next chapter should be entitled? What if I want to go back a few pages and white out the last chapter and re-title it; "Those in Love Stay in Love"? or "Those in Love Shall be Happy"?
Reality set in on my hour, drive home. Renaming the chapter the way I want is not life. Renaming the chapter to what suits me does not include another person's reason for ending that chapter. It is too late for white out. This chapter has begun. I am divorcing a second husband,(I still gasp), have moved from a town in which I resided for 34 years, sold a house I owned for 29 years and am renting a townhouse in an apartment complex. This chapter has started to write itself already. At most times, I am at peace with this. Occasionally, when I look at reality, I am dumbfounded.
I also realized on this drive home at 8pm, I would eventually blend away in the background. Due to geography, these friends would see me less and less. I will not be willing to drive 50 miles each way for too many functions, too often. I know from past experience and divorcing a husband and family the first time around, that the connection will get weaker, and if I do not continue to travel a one way street to maintain contact, it will simply fade away. I feel that is going to happen here, too, eventually. (frown). I can only give so much. If people do not reciprocate, I eventually move on. I understand this is a natural process in life, at least for me. I will not go backwards. I will hold my head high, look ahead, and limit my peeks in the rear view mirror.
Two board members awaited for me outside. Hugs, well wishes and a bit of moisture accrued on my eyes. Not a tear mind you. (smile here) My friend tapped my nose ever so softly as I said, "this is just kind of weird, after being here so long." She commented, "you are just starting a new chapter." Is that what this is? I suppose it is. But what if I wasn't quite ready to write a new chapter? What if this is not what the next chapter should be entitled? What if I want to go back a few pages and white out the last chapter and re-title it; "Those in Love Stay in Love"? or "Those in Love Shall be Happy"?
Reality set in on my hour, drive home. Renaming the chapter the way I want is not life. Renaming the chapter to what suits me does not include another person's reason for ending that chapter. It is too late for white out. This chapter has begun. I am divorcing a second husband,(I still gasp), have moved from a town in which I resided for 34 years, sold a house I owned for 29 years and am renting a townhouse in an apartment complex. This chapter has started to write itself already. At most times, I am at peace with this. Occasionally, when I look at reality, I am dumbfounded.
I also realized on this drive home at 8pm, I would eventually blend away in the background. Due to geography, these friends would see me less and less. I will not be willing to drive 50 miles each way for too many functions, too often. I know from past experience and divorcing a husband and family the first time around, that the connection will get weaker, and if I do not continue to travel a one way street to maintain contact, it will simply fade away. I feel that is going to happen here, too, eventually. (frown). I can only give so much. If people do not reciprocate, I eventually move on. I understand this is a natural process in life, at least for me. I will not go backwards. I will hold my head high, look ahead, and limit my peeks in the rear view mirror.
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