Views

Now that the divorce has been final for a few weeks, I have fewer low mood days. Acceptance is enlightening. I just recall the frustrating actions or feelings of the marriage and remember, I was not happy. I am better off and try to organize my thoughts to "thy self."
I am trying to research my credit and see if I can qualify for a home loan and think of how exciting it would be to have a home I hand pick for myself. It would be 10 years old or newer, low maintenance yard that requires little mowing. My last home had a large yard and was challenging to maintain, plus, it wasn't all that pretty, so even when finished mowing, it was rather drab. I will paint the rooms the colors I choose and not be concerned with another's opinion. I would have a purpose for allowing my creativity to flow. Then, in 2 to 5 years, sell it and make at least a small profit and start again. To explain, I have a burning desire to be a slow, house flipper. I would like to have the money or components to do small remodeling projects to increase a house's value. I desire to learn how to use power tools, so I have been thinking of volunteering for Habitat for Humanity for that reason, give back to the community and expand my friendships in another capacity.
I am thoroughly enjoying Toasmaster's and last week gave my first speech, called the "Ice Breaker Speech." This particular speech is to share personal information so the group can learn a bit more about it's new members. I did well and received positive feedback.
I have been making strong efforts to maintain friendships with my old pals in that little town I had lived in, and it is working. Went to a jewelry party at my friend's house a week ago, went to a Sylvia Brown show at a casino with another friend, went dancing at a casino with my girlfriend, saw a friend of mine perform his music at an outdoor concert in a neighboring town, went to lunch with my friend and his partner, and of course, chatting on the phone with my closest friends and congregating on either my balcony or their deck or porch, of course, with a glass of wine and girl talk. (smile here.) I attended the Toastmaster's picnic a couple of weeks ago and had a terrific evening getting to know my new friends. I laughed a lot and it felt wonderful.
I am fortunate to have good friends and some avenues of entertainment. I have reflected on how much of the entertainment in my marriage was revolved around my X's choices. We rarely did things I wanted to do. Too much was revolving around his business events and Rotary. I remember how selfish he was. I will pay attention to that next time.
I need to continue with new views of my life, and, for the first time, be a little selfish and carefree with my choices. No others depend on me right now, I am myself. I like myself. Others like "myself" too.

Comments

Grumpy said…
Sounds like you are adjusting well. The only person who can make you happy is you.
Claire M. King said…
Interesting Grumpy, I felt that in a marriage, it was a joint venture to try and make each other happy as well as yourself. Isn't that why married people do things for each other even if it is something they would not do for themselves? Ie; family meals with in laws, business events, shopping for furniture, fishing, listening to certain types of music now and again, watching a movie of your spouse's choice?
kden said…
I can feel you stretching your wings and soaring ;-) And I'm a tad bit jealous.
Anonymous said…
It will get easier as you make new friends. You're now free of whatever restraints you have felt in marriage. You can now be in charge of your own life, you don't need any one's approval and when you enter another relationship, you can set your own perimeters. Now you can do things you couldn't do if you were married. You can now pick and choose and enjoy.

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