Braced for the Worst:Second Entry
After about 10 -15 minutes, the nurse gently asked us to exit the room so they could reposition him. On our way out the door, she pointed to the waiting room and she would come and get us when they finished their tasks. Grateful for her regard, we went down the hall, me pushing mom on her walker. Around the door frame we went. There sat my ex mother in law, facing the entry to my right, not in front of me. The ex and his lady sat against a wall several feet from me, farther back in the room. An ex brother in law sat near them. His mom had a shocked (?) smile (?) on her face. My mom got off her walker and repositioned herself closer to the Mrs. and away from the doorway. The ex looked quickly up, then I am unsure of his reaction. The Mrs. got up and gave me and my mom a quick hug. My ex brother in law got off his feet and stepped towards me, (positioned right in from of the ex and his lady), arms extended. I hugged him and told him we had just been in to see his dad and they needed us to leave for repositioning him. I was suddenly self conscious of my, probable, red eyes. I turned, stuck my hand out to the ex, he returned the shake and I said, "I am so sorry about your dad". He said nothing and I am not even sure how long he looked up at me. Would not wager a guess of his thoughts. I turned another half circle and extended my hand to his lady. She shot my ex a look, then weakly, put her hand up. I shook the fingertips and said, "So sorry."
I quickly turned and the Mrs. grabbed a chair, set it next to her, "Sit down, sit down". Her positioning of herself and my chair had our backs facing the family. My mom faced her. We visited for quite a length of time. She relayed the last month of "J's" health battle. He had been in a nursing home prior to this hospitalization. Apparently, this was one of several in-patient stints. They had decided, if he was not showing any signs of improvement by Monday, they were going to remove the breathing mechanisms. I patted her back and arm often, giving her my deepest apologies for the situation. Once, she looked at me and asked, "How are you?" "I am well", I said, simply. I geared conversation to my mom and her recent Alaska cruise. The Mrs. enjoyed hearing about it. I teased mom during her story..."They treated her like a queen." My mom shook her head in happy agreement.
Segments of conversation I will remember;
At one point, the Mrs. said, "Out of all the people I expected to come and visit J, I never would have thought of you two."
Me:"I hope it's not a problem. I have actually thought of you often and thought about stopping by"...she interrupted,
"Why didn't you?"
Me:"I didn't know how you guys would feel after me and ex."
Mrs:"You should have, we always liked you."
Mom:"She was really upset when she heard about J. You know, he was like the father she never had." My mother's eyes turned red around the rim. (Not that I ever remember saying that, mom, but OK. I was a bit shocked at the vision of my mother, sitting on her walker, with her eyes reddened. I have only seen her cry half a dozen times in my life.)
Mrs: "If J gets out of here, I have already decided that I am going to have a big BBQ to celebrate. I want you two to come."
I gently leaned my shoulder to hers...
"I'll bring mom but I won't stay."
Mrs. "Why wouldn't you stay?"
"I don't think ex and the lady would like it too much."
She puffed wind from her lips, "Ex doesn't live there. I do."
"If J gets home and you need help with a caregiver, you call me."
Mrs:"I will, I will." My mom grinned here.
"Seriously, I will make sure he gets the best caregiver in the area."
"Well good," she said, with her German accent.
"Do you want me to leave you one of my cards?"
"No, no. I know where to find you." Smiles all around.
The ex brother in law came over and announced his leaving. He said good bye to his mom, grinned at me and told me of his pending grand parenthood. I smiled and smacked his arm, teasingly. I told him I was thinking of his wife recently when I had a client at the hospital where she works. A good bye hug was given to me and I whispered I hoped he had no hard feelings with me or thought less of me because of me and the ex. Looking me square in the eye, "Never.", he said. He nicely rested his hand on my mom's shoulder and said, "It was good to see you again." My mom reciprocated the nicety. (This simple, gesture will have more meaning in a bit...readers...).
Our visit continued. Within minutes of my ex brother in law leaving, the ex and the lady exited. The exit pathway was inches from my mom. After a while, my mom and I did a mutual glance, agreeing our time should end, also. I excused myself to go say good by to that dear, old man in the hospital bed, leaving my mother to finish her visit.
Back in the car we were, after I retrieved my Honda from the parking garage. My mom stated she wanted to treat me to dinner. After we deliberated on a restaurant towards our area, I started my fishing trip.
"Do you think it bothered her that I showed up?"
"No, I really don't, Claire. I think Mrs. was really glad to see you."
Me:"Well I know she was glad to see you. I don't know how the ex felt seeing me come around that corner."
"It doesn't matter. I don't think Mrs. is too impressed with her. She made a funny face when you said ex and her wouldn't like it if you came to the BBQ. And when you got up to say good bye to J, she made a funny face and said, 'You can't control what your kids do. She's not much to look at, is she?"
( Don't you love moms for knowing what to say?... whether you're in high school or not?...laughed my ass off.)
"Now mom, she's pretty."
"Well, she's not ugly..."
I interrupted..."Just not as pretty as me, huh?" (Laughed my ass off again). (Seriously, she is pretty.)
After I thanked her for going with me, several times again, "So did the ex even say good bye to you or anything?"
"Well, he kind of waved at me when he walked by."
"KIND OF WAVED AT YOU? That was big of him. Really? Really? He didn't even have the decency to say hi or thank you for coming. Really?"
"That's OK. It doesn't matter"
"Even his brother was decent enough to say it was nice to see you. You only met him a few times. That ex is such an ass. You cooked his ass plenty of nice dinners and did nice things for him. You guys had a good relationship. Really? He couldn't even acknowledge you?"
"Just skip it. It doesn't matter."
The boulders in my gut were getting bigger. "I could care less what he does to me, but he was inches away from you. I just don't think he can look you in the eye. I think that's why he never came and said good bye to you, like he said he would after our divorce hearing. That just burns me. Ya know, it wasn't the easiest thing to go and tell his folks good bye before I moved, either. But I did. Oh well, I am glad I went. Thank you so much for coming with me. I know Mrs. was glad to see you."
A nice meal at the restaurant ended that portion of the drive. I allowed the boulders in my gut to whittle down to pebbles. Even though, now and forever, I will think, a 94 year old woman who traveled to give her respect to his mom during a difficult time, deserved a respectful acknowledgement, no matter how ashamed of himself he is. No matter if she was there with his ex wife or not. She deserved more than, "he kind of waved at me."
I quickly turned and the Mrs. grabbed a chair, set it next to her, "Sit down, sit down". Her positioning of herself and my chair had our backs facing the family. My mom faced her. We visited for quite a length of time. She relayed the last month of "J's" health battle. He had been in a nursing home prior to this hospitalization. Apparently, this was one of several in-patient stints. They had decided, if he was not showing any signs of improvement by Monday, they were going to remove the breathing mechanisms. I patted her back and arm often, giving her my deepest apologies for the situation. Once, she looked at me and asked, "How are you?" "I am well", I said, simply. I geared conversation to my mom and her recent Alaska cruise. The Mrs. enjoyed hearing about it. I teased mom during her story..."They treated her like a queen." My mom shook her head in happy agreement.
Segments of conversation I will remember;
At one point, the Mrs. said, "Out of all the people I expected to come and visit J, I never would have thought of you two."
Me:"I hope it's not a problem. I have actually thought of you often and thought about stopping by"...she interrupted,
"Why didn't you?"
Me:"I didn't know how you guys would feel after me and ex."
Mrs:"You should have, we always liked you."
Mom:"She was really upset when she heard about J. You know, he was like the father she never had." My mother's eyes turned red around the rim. (Not that I ever remember saying that, mom, but OK. I was a bit shocked at the vision of my mother, sitting on her walker, with her eyes reddened. I have only seen her cry half a dozen times in my life.)
Mrs: "If J gets out of here, I have already decided that I am going to have a big BBQ to celebrate. I want you two to come."
I gently leaned my shoulder to hers...
"I'll bring mom but I won't stay."
Mrs. "Why wouldn't you stay?"
"I don't think ex and the lady would like it too much."
She puffed wind from her lips, "Ex doesn't live there. I do."
"If J gets home and you need help with a caregiver, you call me."
Mrs:"I will, I will." My mom grinned here.
"Seriously, I will make sure he gets the best caregiver in the area."
"Well good," she said, with her German accent.
"Do you want me to leave you one of my cards?"
"No, no. I know where to find you." Smiles all around.
The ex brother in law came over and announced his leaving. He said good bye to his mom, grinned at me and told me of his pending grand parenthood. I smiled and smacked his arm, teasingly. I told him I was thinking of his wife recently when I had a client at the hospital where she works. A good bye hug was given to me and I whispered I hoped he had no hard feelings with me or thought less of me because of me and the ex. Looking me square in the eye, "Never.", he said. He nicely rested his hand on my mom's shoulder and said, "It was good to see you again." My mom reciprocated the nicety. (This simple, gesture will have more meaning in a bit...readers...).
Our visit continued. Within minutes of my ex brother in law leaving, the ex and the lady exited. The exit pathway was inches from my mom. After a while, my mom and I did a mutual glance, agreeing our time should end, also. I excused myself to go say good by to that dear, old man in the hospital bed, leaving my mother to finish her visit.
Back in the car we were, after I retrieved my Honda from the parking garage. My mom stated she wanted to treat me to dinner. After we deliberated on a restaurant towards our area, I started my fishing trip.
"Do you think it bothered her that I showed up?"
"No, I really don't, Claire. I think Mrs. was really glad to see you."
Me:"Well I know she was glad to see you. I don't know how the ex felt seeing me come around that corner."
"It doesn't matter. I don't think Mrs. is too impressed with her. She made a funny face when you said ex and her wouldn't like it if you came to the BBQ. And when you got up to say good bye to J, she made a funny face and said, 'You can't control what your kids do. She's not much to look at, is she?"
( Don't you love moms for knowing what to say?... whether you're in high school or not?...laughed my ass off.)
"Now mom, she's pretty."
"Well, she's not ugly..."
I interrupted..."Just not as pretty as me, huh?" (Laughed my ass off again). (Seriously, she is pretty.)
After I thanked her for going with me, several times again, "So did the ex even say good bye to you or anything?"
"Well, he kind of waved at me when he walked by."
"KIND OF WAVED AT YOU? That was big of him. Really? Really? He didn't even have the decency to say hi or thank you for coming. Really?"
"That's OK. It doesn't matter"
"Even his brother was decent enough to say it was nice to see you. You only met him a few times. That ex is such an ass. You cooked his ass plenty of nice dinners and did nice things for him. You guys had a good relationship. Really? He couldn't even acknowledge you?"
"Just skip it. It doesn't matter."
The boulders in my gut were getting bigger. "I could care less what he does to me, but he was inches away from you. I just don't think he can look you in the eye. I think that's why he never came and said good bye to you, like he said he would after our divorce hearing. That just burns me. Ya know, it wasn't the easiest thing to go and tell his folks good bye before I moved, either. But I did. Oh well, I am glad I went. Thank you so much for coming with me. I know Mrs. was glad to see you."
A nice meal at the restaurant ended that portion of the drive. I allowed the boulders in my gut to whittle down to pebbles. Even though, now and forever, I will think, a 94 year old woman who traveled to give her respect to his mom during a difficult time, deserved a respectful acknowledgement, no matter how ashamed of himself he is. No matter if she was there with his ex wife or not. She deserved more than, "he kind of waved at me."
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