Evaluate
The following Tuesday after mine and Derek's discussions over the weekend, I was debating about attending my Toastmaster meeting. I was tired from work, and my normal enthusiasm was not apparent. Derek, (the President of the club this year), had emailed the officers that we would hold an Officers Meeting after the regular, club meeting. Really? Really? So, I pulled my big girl panties up and attended. The regular meeting ensued as normal, but the officer's meeting was, a bit more lively.
Derek handed out the copies of the budget and agenda, and convened the meeting like a pro. Our area governor happened to be there as an observer. Right off the bat, I could tell this was not going to be short and sweet as promised by the pres, as he was rambling on, co officers were discussing non important items. I got unsettled and grouchy, quickly. Hey, I was tired! During the meeting, it became questionable if Derek was under the influence of alcohol. (I thought he was overcompensating his emotional status, because of me.) Though he is a natural in front of a crowd, somewhat animated and happy in general, his motions were exaggerated. He was being overly bubbly, and louder than normal. He was taking his arms and making broad, sweeping motions while talking. When he leaned over a table to get direct eye contact with one of our more, shy officers, to have her answer a question, the other six of us raised our eyebrows, and a couple of people discreetly pointed at him, to non verbally say, "What's up with him?" We all had smiles on our faces and little chuckles during the whole thing, as we are good friends and like a family.
Forty five minutes later, one officer left as he had to get home to his kids. Several others were trying to rein Derek in, and get back to the agenda items to be discussed. Another twenty minutes passed, and with the topics addressed, I finally said, "Mr. El Presidente, can we adjourn?" This was more than an hour from the commencement of the meeting. He did adjourn, in accordance with everyone else. I left with a few others in tow.
Now, it was after 9 pm when I arrived home. I leave my house at 7:15 am for my commute to work, and open the office at 8 am. I couldn't help thinking of Derek, and felt bad, then concerned about him. I figured I'd give him time to get home and cool down. I called him at 10pm to see if he was okay. "I'm worried about you. If you feel like returning my call, it's okay. If you don't, that's okay, too," is the message I left on his cell phone.
At 10:30, I called again and he immediately picked up. I cannot distinguish his mood, as he was chuckling and asking me, "Was it that obvious? Could you tell I had been drinking?" I said, I figured, but you were drinking coffee at the meeting, so I didn't' know what was going on, exactly". He said two of the officers approached him after the meeting and said, "Derek, you are not driving home." He was stunned, as he thought he hid his situation so well, and conducted the meeting without a hitch. So, he rode with one gal, and the other gal drove his car to his house. They visited a while and had just left. We talked for a few minutes and I now, could read his mood. He was embarrassed, still a bit tipsy, and in a conflicted, emotional state.
Apparently, he got to the meeting facility, (which is a conference room, in a restaurant/lounge), an hour early, went into the bar and had a couple of hard drinks. During the meeting, his two or three cups of coffee had shots in them! "I think it was that third one that put me over the top.," he laughed. I said, through his repeating of being embarrassed;
"Do you want me to come visit you?"
"Would you? I'd like that". So I did.
On the patio we sat, with another night of darkness around us, and that porch light shining at his back. We talked about him thinking he should send an apology email to the officers, and I suggested, "Just let it go. Everybody has done embarrassing things. We all care about you and like you. Just leave it alone, but you do what you think you should."
At some point, I shared the story of June 2007, when I had kicked the ex, (my boyfriend at the time,) out of my house after co-habitating together, for 4 1/2 years. I was going to be at my family reunion for a week...an optimum time for him to move out. At my reunion, one of my nephews bought a lot of wine, and I drank a lot of wine. My eldest son, who was 23 at the time, ended up holding my hair while I vomited that wine up, over the porcelain throne, in our hotel room. I was teased quite frequently for it. Ironically, in 2010 during my family reunion, I had separated from that husband, two months prior. (I posted of this last year.) Yes, good ole family still teased me about my idiotic actions from 2007. But in 2010, I didn't drink.
Again, personal conversation came up with our non relationship, and all. I just told him, I thought all was fine the way it was. Neither of us wants to hold the other person back from doing what they need, or achieving what they want. I did make it clear, it is very unhealthy to have an "on again, off again", relationship, and I won't do that. He agrees. He does not want to see us not spending time together. We are very motivating of each other, and true friends. I laughed at one point and said, "I've never known a guy who stays friends with his ex girlfriends the way you do. You are a bigger person than I. I seem to end a relationship and that's it."
Now, he is going to evaluate that about himself. He does that a lot, self evaluates, tries to grasp the nature of things, tries to figure out why we are who we are, etc...(smile here). That is one of his endearing qualities and one of the reasons we can talk for 4 hours at a time. I have those characteristics, too.
Derek handed out the copies of the budget and agenda, and convened the meeting like a pro. Our area governor happened to be there as an observer. Right off the bat, I could tell this was not going to be short and sweet as promised by the pres, as he was rambling on, co officers were discussing non important items. I got unsettled and grouchy, quickly. Hey, I was tired! During the meeting, it became questionable if Derek was under the influence of alcohol. (I thought he was overcompensating his emotional status, because of me.) Though he is a natural in front of a crowd, somewhat animated and happy in general, his motions were exaggerated. He was being overly bubbly, and louder than normal. He was taking his arms and making broad, sweeping motions while talking. When he leaned over a table to get direct eye contact with one of our more, shy officers, to have her answer a question, the other six of us raised our eyebrows, and a couple of people discreetly pointed at him, to non verbally say, "What's up with him?" We all had smiles on our faces and little chuckles during the whole thing, as we are good friends and like a family.
Forty five minutes later, one officer left as he had to get home to his kids. Several others were trying to rein Derek in, and get back to the agenda items to be discussed. Another twenty minutes passed, and with the topics addressed, I finally said, "Mr. El Presidente, can we adjourn?" This was more than an hour from the commencement of the meeting. He did adjourn, in accordance with everyone else. I left with a few others in tow.
Now, it was after 9 pm when I arrived home. I leave my house at 7:15 am for my commute to work, and open the office at 8 am. I couldn't help thinking of Derek, and felt bad, then concerned about him. I figured I'd give him time to get home and cool down. I called him at 10pm to see if he was okay. "I'm worried about you. If you feel like returning my call, it's okay. If you don't, that's okay, too," is the message I left on his cell phone.
At 10:30, I called again and he immediately picked up. I cannot distinguish his mood, as he was chuckling and asking me, "Was it that obvious? Could you tell I had been drinking?" I said, I figured, but you were drinking coffee at the meeting, so I didn't' know what was going on, exactly". He said two of the officers approached him after the meeting and said, "Derek, you are not driving home." He was stunned, as he thought he hid his situation so well, and conducted the meeting without a hitch. So, he rode with one gal, and the other gal drove his car to his house. They visited a while and had just left. We talked for a few minutes and I now, could read his mood. He was embarrassed, still a bit tipsy, and in a conflicted, emotional state.
Apparently, he got to the meeting facility, (which is a conference room, in a restaurant/lounge), an hour early, went into the bar and had a couple of hard drinks. During the meeting, his two or three cups of coffee had shots in them! "I think it was that third one that put me over the top.," he laughed. I said, through his repeating of being embarrassed;
"Do you want me to come visit you?"
"Would you? I'd like that". So I did.
On the patio we sat, with another night of darkness around us, and that porch light shining at his back. We talked about him thinking he should send an apology email to the officers, and I suggested, "Just let it go. Everybody has done embarrassing things. We all care about you and like you. Just leave it alone, but you do what you think you should."
At some point, I shared the story of June 2007, when I had kicked the ex, (my boyfriend at the time,) out of my house after co-habitating together, for 4 1/2 years. I was going to be at my family reunion for a week...an optimum time for him to move out. At my reunion, one of my nephews bought a lot of wine, and I drank a lot of wine. My eldest son, who was 23 at the time, ended up holding my hair while I vomited that wine up, over the porcelain throne, in our hotel room. I was teased quite frequently for it. Ironically, in 2010 during my family reunion, I had separated from that husband, two months prior. (I posted of this last year.) Yes, good ole family still teased me about my idiotic actions from 2007. But in 2010, I didn't drink.
Again, personal conversation came up with our non relationship, and all. I just told him, I thought all was fine the way it was. Neither of us wants to hold the other person back from doing what they need, or achieving what they want. I did make it clear, it is very unhealthy to have an "on again, off again", relationship, and I won't do that. He agrees. He does not want to see us not spending time together. We are very motivating of each other, and true friends. I laughed at one point and said, "I've never known a guy who stays friends with his ex girlfriends the way you do. You are a bigger person than I. I seem to end a relationship and that's it."
Now, he is going to evaluate that about himself. He does that a lot, self evaluates, tries to grasp the nature of things, tries to figure out why we are who we are, etc...(smile here). That is one of his endearing qualities and one of the reasons we can talk for 4 hours at a time. I have those characteristics, too.
Comments
You'd think that as we get older, relationships would get easier. But sometimes they're harder because the baggage is so much heavier.
Love your new blog theme, it's very pretty.