Getting the Shine Back On

  Since the last time I posted, I have had some interesting things in my life occur. To me they are interesting, not sure about the adjective my blogger family will put on it. (Smile here). I think I sounded very down trodden in my last couple of posts. I felt things were not clear and that makes me feel distracted, uncertain.
  First of all, I turned 50 on the 5th. Holy cow! (gasp here). The weeks prior to that day were a bit unnerving. Trying to say my age without forty at the beginning was a challenge. I remember turning 30 affected me the same way. You know, not being able to say twenty-something? That felt old. This feels old. However, I cannot do a darn thing about it but try to embrace it, which I have, as I mingle with people on the sidewalks of life. I make mental notations on the fact that I seem to be in better shape than many people my junior. I have enthusiasm, (most of the time), a workforce of caregivers that genuinely like me, as well as my co workers. I have dear, dear friends, a quality family, a job, and my health. Who could ask for anything more, right? The vulnerable people my agency cares for, remind me of humility and graciousness every day. I really have nothing to complain about. Though I do. (smile here.) I guess that is the humanness of me.
   Case in point; I have two new clients I am scheduled to meet. One is 55 with mental health disorders, the other, a woman of 60, who had a recent below the knee amputation. One of my clients in her mid sixties had a DOUBLE amputation below the pelvic and hip bones. That is a rarity! She's been my client for over 6 years, and with her Multiple Sclerosis worsening and deforming her legs, that was one of few options. When I saw her for the first time after her return home from the hospital, I went into her living room for a home visit. She lay in her hospital bed, now in the living room, with bare morning light coming through the window. I had to hold in a gasp as she was now a head attached to a torso. That was it. Think for a minute, the length of your torso. Three feet long or so? That was the only shape and length of body laying in the bed. The sheets conformed around her half body, then instantly, went flat. I felt like crying. Despite her MS and ailing health those years, she had spirit and humor exuding from her. Now, she was lethargic and soft spoken. I will add, she has improved health wise and spirit wise. So, I need to quit gripping about money and my divorce and hard times. It is nothing in comparison to these stories.
  My birthday week was actually very, nice. I had over 74 Facebook Friends wish me a hppy birthday on line. I responded to each and every one of them. It made me smile all day. My dear friend, KP, took me to a nice restaurant that night. She and I always have great conversation and enjoyment. I had steak Oscar for the first time. Yummy! The next evening, my mom invited me to her house of which I accepted. She took me and my brother out to a local cafe. Her news, she is going to sell her house and move to an Assisted Living Facility back in the midwest. Likely, Wisconsin. At first it was bittersweet, but then, I realized she will be near more of the family in these last years of her life. She is 94, after all. Physical challenges are surrounding her, but her mind can outdo most. So, I hooked her up with my real estate friend who sold my house in three days last year. Now, timing is worse for the housing market, and wintertime is the worst time to sell, however, her goal is to be moved next spring. She suggested if it didn't sell, I should live there and care for the place until it does. Hmmm...interesting. So, in a few weeks, we shall start sorting and hauling and cleaning and fixing. Actually, there isn't repairs really needed. It has been maintained over time.
  Derek took me to dinner on that Friday night. Another lovely evening and another dear person who I enjoy being around. Not only did he treat me to a nice dinner, he gave me a gift certificate to a local nail salon to have a pedicure and a manicure. I think he did this, as he knows I have only treated myself to this luxury a few times in my life. (Last year, even.) He is a sweet guy. We haven't talked of the "non relationship" for a few weeks, which is fine by me.
  I have decided to move and rent a room with a gal named, Jill. I will move by October 31st, in order to not pay rent here, in November. I will meet with her this weekend. I will save over $600 dollars a month on rent, utilities and the like. Living here will not get me to my goal of home ownership. It is too expensive. I will miss this townhouse dreadfully, but am looking forward to saving money and even having some in my pocket. Hey, there's a thought! I did not get too many responses for a roommate here, and then in mulling the scenario through my mind, I won't have to worry about someone NOT paying rent on time. That would put me back where I am. Now, I also know that I could get a good roommate, but, I am doing what my gut is telling me.   
  My vow, listen to my instincts more. It is funny, even if I am having a quiet day at work, with nothing really wrong, my caregivers sense something and ask, "Are you okay?" They are used to me being a positive person. So, I am trying to get the shine back on to my attitude, and remember, so many people are worse off than me.
  P.S. Derek has hired me to help him with his business, on a small, basis. It is not out of concern for my finances either. He and so many others, have so much faith and vision for me. It is amazing to think of this. Can't let 'em down, right?