Cobwebs in the Corners
So, here I am, settling into my new space. My friend KP helped me box things up on Saturday. I moved, primarily on Sunday 10/30/11. On Halloween pm, I was at the townhouse cleaning from top to bottom. November 1, I did my walk through of the townhouse, and the office assistant said everything looked really good. Hopefully, the corporate office feels the same way and refunds the whole $200 cleaning deposit. I even had to professionally, carpet clean the place, per the lease agreement. Final refund will come in 10-15 days. Mid month, if I hear nothing, I will call them.
I am grateful to Derek and my son for the time and efforts they put into helping me. First time they met. Kind of funny as my son asked me a couple of questions about whether Derek and I were dating. I told him I had stated some time ago that he was my friend with benefits, but my son doesn't like to hear things like that. It probably went in one ear and out the other.
Both, my son and Derek, told me that they had good vibes from the place I moved to, with this gal, J. Good. She has a small dog, Lucy and a large dog, Chewy, but her place is clean and no pet odors persist anywhere. I haven't had pets since 2001. All should be fine. They seem well mannered and pretty mellow.
I had to be very efficient in putting things away now that I am downsized to "a room". I was approved to take a week off, from 11/2 until 11/9. However, on 11/2, I had to go in to help finish payroll, as the trainee does not know how the whole process works, to completion. Then we had enough emergencies with caregivers and clients that I told my supervisor I would stay all day if I could negotiate my return date to 11/10. She said, "we can do that." So, Wednesday I worked past quitting time and came to the new place and worked until 11pm unpacking and organizing. Turned out to be a 17 hour day. Thursday, I puttered at tasks and relaxed, hauled stuff to my storage unit...(sigh here), I've never had one of those either. I still have a feeling of loss as I walk through this house, not my own space, a shared space. This is a first for me and J, to have a housemate, of shared expenses. I know it will help me attain my goal sooner, of saving money to get my own home again, but there still is a sense of failure, almost. I am fifty, and this is where my life is now? Really? Really? Not where I pictured it. Did not think I'd be divorced last year, did not think I'd be renting a room. Did not think my mom would be moving back to the Midwest. (sigh here). But, I also did not know I'd have such amazing new friends, and old friends that care so much. Next, a better paying job with a lot shorter commute. Right?
The weekend was spent with my friend, D, up north, an hour and a half away. Very relaxing, lots of card playing and wine consumption. She took me on a tour of her old town and introduced me to some friends she often speaks of. Very nice. I will go visit and help my mom this Wednesday, and probably just sleep on her couch and go to work from there on Thursday. She only lives twelve miles from my job. At this point, Derek and I still have a business connection to develop, as minor as it is. I will meet with him tomorrow to review some upcoming, steps and expectations. I still feel our friendship will remain intact...changed...but intact. He already teased me by saying, "so if this doesn't work out for me with this other gal, are you gonna take me back with my wiles and charm?" "Nope. You made a choice and I decided, I will only allow myself to get 'kicked to the curb', once per man." We both laughed. So, there it is, no hard feelings, no non relationship intimacies, and no hanging out on a personal level. At least not like before. I wish him good luck with his search, of the next woman to love.
I am clearing away some cobwebs, hopefully, from the corners of my mind and physical presence. I am going to listen to my intuition more and make decisions with that in account, as I have a strong intuition, and have not always paid heed to it. I am getting rid of unneeded items, accepting I am better off without the ex, as he only cared about his needs, and am looking forward to what happens next, (most of the time, anyway.) Please don't say, "the next chapter"...I hate that phrase. (smile here.)
I am grateful to Derek and my son for the time and efforts they put into helping me. First time they met. Kind of funny as my son asked me a couple of questions about whether Derek and I were dating. I told him I had stated some time ago that he was my friend with benefits, but my son doesn't like to hear things like that. It probably went in one ear and out the other.
Both, my son and Derek, told me that they had good vibes from the place I moved to, with this gal, J. Good. She has a small dog, Lucy and a large dog, Chewy, but her place is clean and no pet odors persist anywhere. I haven't had pets since 2001. All should be fine. They seem well mannered and pretty mellow.
I had to be very efficient in putting things away now that I am downsized to "a room". I was approved to take a week off, from 11/2 until 11/9. However, on 11/2, I had to go in to help finish payroll, as the trainee does not know how the whole process works, to completion. Then we had enough emergencies with caregivers and clients that I told my supervisor I would stay all day if I could negotiate my return date to 11/10. She said, "we can do that." So, Wednesday I worked past quitting time and came to the new place and worked until 11pm unpacking and organizing. Turned out to be a 17 hour day. Thursday, I puttered at tasks and relaxed, hauled stuff to my storage unit...(sigh here), I've never had one of those either. I still have a feeling of loss as I walk through this house, not my own space, a shared space. This is a first for me and J, to have a housemate, of shared expenses. I know it will help me attain my goal sooner, of saving money to get my own home again, but there still is a sense of failure, almost. I am fifty, and this is where my life is now? Really? Really? Not where I pictured it. Did not think I'd be divorced last year, did not think I'd be renting a room. Did not think my mom would be moving back to the Midwest. (sigh here). But, I also did not know I'd have such amazing new friends, and old friends that care so much. Next, a better paying job with a lot shorter commute. Right?
The weekend was spent with my friend, D, up north, an hour and a half away. Very relaxing, lots of card playing and wine consumption. She took me on a tour of her old town and introduced me to some friends she often speaks of. Very nice. I will go visit and help my mom this Wednesday, and probably just sleep on her couch and go to work from there on Thursday. She only lives twelve miles from my job. At this point, Derek and I still have a business connection to develop, as minor as it is. I will meet with him tomorrow to review some upcoming, steps and expectations. I still feel our friendship will remain intact...changed...but intact. He already teased me by saying, "so if this doesn't work out for me with this other gal, are you gonna take me back with my wiles and charm?" "Nope. You made a choice and I decided, I will only allow myself to get 'kicked to the curb', once per man." We both laughed. So, there it is, no hard feelings, no non relationship intimacies, and no hanging out on a personal level. At least not like before. I wish him good luck with his search, of the next woman to love.
I am clearing away some cobwebs, hopefully, from the corners of my mind and physical presence. I am going to listen to my intuition more and make decisions with that in account, as I have a strong intuition, and have not always paid heed to it. I am getting rid of unneeded items, accepting I am better off without the ex, as he only cared about his needs, and am looking forward to what happens next, (most of the time, anyway.) Please don't say, "the next chapter"...I hate that phrase. (smile here.)
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You'll get past this; you do what is necessary at the time.