Look at My Sleeve

 It is times like these that I wish I had a mental typewriter tapping out my thoughts as soon as they become thoughts...when I simply think them. Sometimes my brain rattles with thoughts and ideas so fast, I don't think a stenographer could keep up with them, if ever possible. It is one of those "moody" days where I am likely wearing my heart on my sleeve. Luckily, I am alone at the house.
 I have Toastmaster's tonight, and my enthusiasm for that wears thin. I love my club and the meetings. But tonight, I'd rather be home. I'd rather take a night off from responsibility and wallow in disappointment. I did not get the receptionist job. Can you believe it? This answer comes, even after my friend went to bat for me. The other candidate wasn't hired either. Can you believe it? Derek called me yesterday afternoon with the news. He didn't have a lot of feedback as he was getting ready to run an errand. The directer did not have much to say that Derek shared. They were still concerned I am overqualified and could jump ship in a year. (Grumpy nails it again!) Derek is not only upset about their reluctance to hire me, he feels frustrated as his boss told him he was the final decision maker. Turns out he wasn't. He shared with me that his discussion with his boss lead to a a severe disagreement.
"I am not going to say it got heated, but Claire, it almost turned heated. It was one against three, and then, they didn't hire the other gal either, so I don't know what they want. I'm still pretty upset right now." His guilt was being worn on his sleeve. I stayed positive and reminded him it wasn't his fault and not feel bad. I knew there was a chance I may not get hired, but to hear Derek's voice with kind finality, really hung it in front of my mind's eye. After our phone conversation, I wallowed, then I let KP know, and my friend George. He had asked me after the mock interview last week, to do so.  I think my emotions were not just being worn on my sleeve, by this point, they were pinned to it! Pinned! Wavers in my voice gave that away to George. He had a "wasn't meant to be attitude." Bless him. I later text-ed my friend Di and had a brief conversation with my son.
 As it turns out, my son wanted to make up for the weekend goof ups. We met half way at a casino just outside of Tacoma. Our intention was not to gamble, rather, to enjoy a meal, which we did. He also made a healthy payment towards his $3k debt to me. That is the loan dating back to last summer when he was mugged. Bless him.
Maybe wearing your heart on your sleeve isn't all bad. (laugh here.)

Comments

Grumpy said…
You'll find something better. Really, how long were you going to be satisfied being a receptionist?
May 8, 2013 at 5:58 AM
kden said…
Sometimes it's enjoyable to wallow ;-) And it does let people know that a usually strong person can get down some times, and it's a way to reach out and have your voice be heard. It's not always a weakness, but a strength. I'm glad your son was able to help you out a bit with past debts. I agree with Grumpy, any job might do short term, but long term satisfaction is what's important.
May 8, 2013 at 8:36 AM
Claire M. King said…
Ha! Grumpy, I would be fine with it for a long time-my dependable vein kicks in here.
May 8, 2013 at 8:43 AM
Anonymous said…
I am disappointed for you. I wanted it for you because you wanted it, even though it wasn't the best for you. Well, we'll just wash this down with your favorite tonic and keep on looking and applying.
May 8, 2013 at 6:30 PM
Claire M. King said…
I appreciate the positive reinforcements.
May 8, 2013 at 7:33 PM
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