Fifteen Years in Six Hours
I wasn't part of the gathering nor was I a fly on the wall the previous day when my kids met with their father, for the first time in a decade and a half. Therefore, their encounter will be difficult to describe as I had to rely on their explanation of the gathering, when the five of us met for brunch the day after.
We met at a casino/restaurant to converse over a Sunday brunch. When first seated we chose to get a morning beverage and food to help alleviate the kids' affects of being up late into the night for two nights in a row. Plus, I didn't want to seem over anxious to hear how the private event played out. Between the four of them taking turns sharing their viewpoint and my asking careful questions, I learned that the gathering went as they hoped. Hugs started their six hour visit and sharing general stories of the past fifteen years ensued, mostly from the kids. I gather their dad didn't have too many proud stories to speak of so the kids talked about how they arrived at their current employments after school, etc...They had vowed to make this first time meeting NOT about their hurt, anger, bewilderment or curiosity as to why their father chose to disappear to unknown places for unknown reasons disconnecting contact with them and his family.
They each had preconceived notions of his past, his health and how he would look. Despite him looking fifteen years older than 57, he looked better than they expected. At one point my daughter showed me a picture on her cell phone that her husband had taken. I stated if he had dentures, he wouldn't look that bad. They all shook their heads and reinstated his aged look and being "gaunt" and thin in the cheeks. The loss of teeth is from his continued use of drugs and alcohol; primarily Meth. My daughter said the picture did him justice.
I guess at one point, Brian and he stepped out to have a cigarette and he asked in a very general way how I was. After Brian telling him I was doing good, he questioned him a bit about the second marriage he apparently heard about. "That didn't last long," Brian told him. I guess he said that was too bad.
I guess their good bye was a bit awkward but promises of keeping in touch were made. I know they all have questions they'd like answers to at some point, but those will be resolved, on what I am guessing will be one on one conversations, for the future, as they each see fit. But for now, this six hour reestablishment with their dad makes them feel better and makes them reassured that they did what was necessary to connect and open conversations with the dad that hadn't been there for them in fifteen years.
We met at a casino/restaurant to converse over a Sunday brunch. When first seated we chose to get a morning beverage and food to help alleviate the kids' affects of being up late into the night for two nights in a row. Plus, I didn't want to seem over anxious to hear how the private event played out. Between the four of them taking turns sharing their viewpoint and my asking careful questions, I learned that the gathering went as they hoped. Hugs started their six hour visit and sharing general stories of the past fifteen years ensued, mostly from the kids. I gather their dad didn't have too many proud stories to speak of so the kids talked about how they arrived at their current employments after school, etc...They had vowed to make this first time meeting NOT about their hurt, anger, bewilderment or curiosity as to why their father chose to disappear to unknown places for unknown reasons disconnecting contact with them and his family.
They each had preconceived notions of his past, his health and how he would look. Despite him looking fifteen years older than 57, he looked better than they expected. At one point my daughter showed me a picture on her cell phone that her husband had taken. I stated if he had dentures, he wouldn't look that bad. They all shook their heads and reinstated his aged look and being "gaunt" and thin in the cheeks. The loss of teeth is from his continued use of drugs and alcohol; primarily Meth. My daughter said the picture did him justice.
I guess at one point, Brian and he stepped out to have a cigarette and he asked in a very general way how I was. After Brian telling him I was doing good, he questioned him a bit about the second marriage he apparently heard about. "That didn't last long," Brian told him. I guess he said that was too bad.
I guess their good bye was a bit awkward but promises of keeping in touch were made. I know they all have questions they'd like answers to at some point, but those will be resolved, on what I am guessing will be one on one conversations, for the future, as they each see fit. But for now, this six hour reestablishment with their dad makes them feel better and makes them reassured that they did what was necessary to connect and open conversations with the dad that hadn't been there for them in fifteen years.
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