Looking Glass

Yesterday I held a housewarming party at my new home. For the first hour, my guests met at my townhouse, and then we walked to the complex clubhouse which I had reserved in advance. I did this as it has a huge, furnished living room, well set up kitchen and more room for everyone. Plus, my 93 year old mother could not have walked the 14 stairs to my second floor town house. My dear friend of twenty three years spent Friday night with me and helped tremendously with the party preparations and success. She is my (saddened) friend I recently posted of, and she told me these functions were just what she needs to escape her solitude and give her something new to do. I invited many people. Thirteen to fourteen guests showed up. I was, quite frankly, a bit sad (at first), as some who assured their attendance did not show up. A few people who were unsure of their schedule, attended. What heart warming thoughts filled me as the guests smiled, complimented me and my new location and were here ...

Tonight I attended my final board meeting as official secretary, of the little community center, in the little town I just moved out of. I handed over the binders to the incoming secretary, gave her a few tips and welcomed her to call me if she had questions. Two board members awaited for me outside. Hugs, well wishes and a bit of moisture accrued on my eyes. Not a tear mind you. (smile here) My friend tapped my nose ever so softly as I said, "this is just kind of weird, after being here so long." She commented, "you are just starting a new chapter." Is that what this is? I suppose it is. But what if I wasn't quite ready to write a new chapter? What if this is not what the next chapter should be entitled? What if I want to go back a few pages and white out the last chapter and re-title it; "Those in Love Stay in Love"? or "Those in Love Shall be Happy"? Reality set in on my hour, drive home. Renaming the chapter the way I want is not life. ...

Over this past, 3 day weekend, bless her heart, (smile), my dear friend of 24 years came and spent "girl time" with me. Thank goodness as I may have spent those 3 days rattling around my new, rented townhouse solo. I have not been a renter in 29 years. I was a homeowner through both of my marriages. I "bought" my first husband out of the mortgage at the end of our divorce, though my second husband, after moving in with me 8 1/2 years ago, and refinancing last August, became a partial homeowner for the first time in his life. He is in his forties. I will own a home again, this is temporary. My rent is close to a mortgage payment and I have realized from being a single mom from 1998 and raising my children through their remaining school years and young adulthood, that having equity is vital. Saved my a_ _ a few times. Back to my girl time...this particular friend was divorced 7 years ago and I do not feel has recovered from the impact. He did "cheat" on her...

During my 1/2 hour commute this last week, to and from work, I was distracted with many shards of memories passing through my mind. For some reason, they were saddened thoughts and feelings of negativity. The wondering of my own questionable actions, (I have a temper, but do not throw things or hit him, etc. I am very verbal)and questioning his failure to recognize what I needed and wondering how and where I turned into such an unhappy wife with a man I loved so much. (raise an eyebrow here.) Remember, neither of us committed adultery, neither of us had TOO serious acts of misconduct towards the other. Normal, marital challenges of discontent. Then I know folks who have survived far greater challenges; adultery, gambling or other addictive behaviors, loss of a family member or, lord help us, loss of a child. I do know more than one couple who suffered the loss of a child. One couple survived the horrendous grief, another did not. Neither my husband nor I had too many spending sprees, t...

Some may have guessed, my move on April 17 was a decision made due to a divorce. My second. (gasping is acceptable here.) I did not imagine, after my first marriage of 17 years,(with this relationship starting at my ripe, young age of 18, married at 20 and NOT because of being pregnant) and this second marriage of two years, (however, we were together for 8 1/2 years), that I would be sitting on my little balcony okay with my life. My children are supportive and only want me to be happy and sane. I have stayed in touch with many friends from the community I resided in for 34 years and they want only what works for me. My family does not know as they live out of area and I haven't figured out how to tell all of them. Remember the big family I've been reared in? My mother, a brother a niece and one sister in law are aware of my situation. Maybe I'll just let the news spread through the ole family grapevine.(smile) Tonight marked my first trip back to my community for a recre...

I am starting this blog simply because I have a lot of feelings, thoughts and questions given my changed life of 2010, as of April 17. I have always "tinkered" with writing and can generally explain my thoughts. Of course, the written thoughts or feelings include some misspelled words or punctuation errors, but, they are there and real...the thoughts AND punctuation mishaps. (smile here.) Sometimes input and insight from others can help bring clarity or a different viewpoint to thoughts and feelings. "Looking Glass" as the title of my blog, shows I am open to allowing other people to share their thoughts, feelings and similar stories in regards to my blog posts. My posts will be internal reflections as I look ahead to tomorrow and glance back at the past. First: I have, until recently, lived in two, small towns in the whole, wide world; Belfair, Washington & Austin, Minnesota. (That is, until April 17, 2010.) A sheltered life you may wonder? Possibly. A simp...