Looking Glass

I have thought long and hard while driving to work each morning and evening. I have found this time to be dangerous. Not due to traffic jams, accidents or road conditions. But, that is when I think the most... in silence, or with a bit of background music playing from the radio. That is when I recognize my thoughts flying through my mind, equal to the speed of the vehicle. That is when I feel time pulling at my gut. That is when I notice facts, figures, faces, failures, accomplishments and such. That is when I notice my mental calendar developing with items to do or things I forgot, places to be and people to see. My calendar of future endeavors, and past circumstances. Sometimes it seems so full, I sigh. Sometimes a smile crosses my face when looking ahead or thinking of a happy moment. Sometimes a ping of pain furrows my brow. Not all of my thoughts are fluid. Some are quite chipped, and only fragments of past times, or pieces of ideas that have not fused together, seem to poke at ...

Flung.

As I sit having my morning coffee and scroll through other people's blogs, of which I have not visited, I am thinking about many things, of the past, of the future. When I traveled to some other blogs, I was hit with appreciation of the talent that graces our computer screens. Wow! How do they create such interesting sites? I was astounded with their creativity. Many blogs are colorful with eye catching backgrounds, customized nonetheless, ads lining the edges, humorous writing, subdued posts, thoughtful advice, knowledge you should know, countless pictures of every subject out there, followers hitting numbers in the hundreds. (I was lucky I discovered how to change my blog background once, and would have to remember how to do it again.) People are amazing, aren't they? Most people have some talent, some attribute, some knowledge, something to share, something to tap into and release from within themselves. I now feel it is a matter of confidence, and not being afraid to let it...

I have been reviewing and thinking, again. Darn thought processes. (frown here). Now the x is starting to post stuff publicly about "her". His Tweet this am said, "Norma, friends and Grey Goose...priceless." I recall when he felt that way about me. I think she owes me big time for putting him through relationship boot camp for 8 years. A trait he had no experience with before me. Why do I keep peeking and putting my emotions through this? I will wise up friends. Enough is enough. It's been months, (wow 8) since our separation, and 5 months since our divorce. Claire, get over it, right? I keep trying and still maintain at most times I am okay. Once in a while, though... I am solidifying my friendships with my new friends at Toastmaster's. Myself and the VP of Membership had a meeting the other day to plan a presentation to introduce a membership drive/contest, to be held for the club. We laughed a lot and came up with a good plan, full of humor of course. W...

I have a few minutes to relax, review and write. This last week has been busy. My job has been challenging of late, trying to restaff many client schedules as many caregivers have been approved for holiday time off. I need to be a more authoritative boss and say no to their requests. That is challenging however, as my team of 80 caregivers are quite wonderful and giving. We want to make them happy. This creates multiple more phone calls for me, and more paper to be pushed when substitute caregivers are scheduled. 2011 will be starting with a heavy hand as my co-supervisor, of 11 1/2 years was given her pink slip a couple of weeks ago. This is due to the WA state deficit of 4.6 billion dollars and the state's need to cut back social service programs. Some of these programs foot the bill for our agency's income. I cannot imagine what the office will be like without her. The Director and Human Resource Coordinator had a meeting with us a few weeks ago to break the news. We were ut...

He's back! The x is in the area. He landed at the Portland airport a couple of nights ago, closer to "her" than Seattle. Guess he left his truck and camper in AZ to fly back to our little area for the holidays. Crap! In viewing his calendar, he only has one booking in Eastern WA in mid January. Nothing else booked at this time other than his webinars which he presents while sitting on his butt in his camper. So lord knows how long he'll be around. I am concerned we may cross paths at some point as my friend (and his) invited me to a "Box Lunch" the day after Christmas. It is a party where everyone attending brings their Christmas dinner leftovers, and a buffet of the odds and ends is laid out. Of course, it is BYOB and it looks like fun. My friend has hosted these before, but the x never wanted to attend, so we didn't. He will likely take every opportunity to brag about his travels of OR, CA, and AZ. He still claims on his bios, that he is an internati...

It's a typical, rainy Sunday here. Of course, the rain wets my thoughts as it does the outdoors. My spirit is not dampened though, despite my real estate friend/agent, needing to cancel our first day of house searching due to sickness. The day has been close to dark since waking up this morning. There are mudslides and roads flooding in the region. I am on call for my company and have had a dozen or more pages with caregivers and clients needing supervisor's assistance. But, my spirit is still not dampened. I intend to go to a local restaurant at 6pm this evening to listen to some friends perform their music. It will be relaxing and enjoyable, whether anyone from Toastmaster's shows up or not. I am okay attending gigs and functions on my own. One of my more enjoyable days this summer was spent by myself attending a couple of parties and that garage sale of a friends'. Last weekend I volunteered at the little community center where I had been secretary for 2 1/2 years....